I’m in a way better mood than the last time, so this should be more fun for you too. I am aware of the inherit irony of that title, and again: I don’t mean no harm. It’s all just fun and games and meant to entertain.
The last time, I promised you a column on Wolverine. I had it all planned out: Logan, the most over-exposed character in mainstream comics. He’s fucking everywhere! I had some really good bits, involving clones. I know, I know. Geeks can’t hear the word clones. But it was funny, really. My mirror can verify that.
Then, Mark Millar and Steve McKniven happened. Their “Old Man Logan” story is one of the best stories I have read in years, and is not just a good Wolverine story, but the summer blockbuster of this year (next to Star Trek). Highly entertaining. Their story was not the problem. The problem was, that they were late. Which meant Marvel needed a backup, because you cannot have a month without at least 13 Wolverine books. They chose Jason Aaron and Daniel Way. While Daniel Way’s tale was, well a nice Wolverine story with amazing art, the Jason Aaron bit was the one that got me: It gave us a reason for his overexposing! In continuity! Damn him. Which meant that I had to come up with something else…
The next thing I had in mind was Norman Osborn. You know, the guy with the cornrows? He’s headcheese now, so there got to be a story. That’s what I thought. But do any of you guys read Dark Avengers? Well, seeing him be himself, is funny enough. Thank you Brian Michael Bendis, for being such a good writer!
But don’t despair, Marvel provided me with new material almost immediately: Dark Wolverine! Yes, there are two Wolverines now. Marvel apparently revisted their Legacy-policy.
So, my latest obsession in mainstream comics are the claws of this Daken character. Now, I I’m not the most avid reader of Wolverine comics. But from what I can gather (thanks to Wikipedia, btw) he has inherited the stupid bone claws (we really don’t want to get into those. Both figuratively and literally), from his daddy. Alright. I get it. They’re descendants of cats. Maybe we can get a BSGesque crossover with the ThunderCats out of it. Which would be awesome and could erase all my anger towards this whole complex of issues presented with that bone-claw thingy.
Well, anyway. He got those stupid claws. So, what I don’t get, and I freely admit that this is purely nit-picky, how does he have room for the third claw that extends from his wrist? (Yeah, the upper two are weird too, but I can accept that. It looks kinda cool. That’s why we all loved Wolverine as kids. Because he looked cool. Right?) In the wrist we have pretty important blood-thingies and I just can’t see this working. I’m no doctor, obviously!, but it just looks wrong! Please Marvel, retconn the shit of this.
There you go: An almost funny column. Next time we’ll take a closer look at the Final Crisis Aftermath books. Or Batgirl. Maybe even Superman, what with all the momentum of the New Krypton stuff. Of course that’s just preliminary. Who knows what DC comes up with in the meantime…
Pete Schueler is currently residing in Berlin, Germany. He’s desperately trying to get his writing career somewhere. Where that is exactly, is not defined yet, but it should be somewhere where it’s visible. He’s been a comic book and pop culture geek all his life, but started reading them funny-books again on a weekly basis just three short years ago. In this time he matured from reading just DC books, to preferring mostly Indie titles. He still has a reverence for the Big Two and superheroes in general, and consumes them at a regular rate. The books, not the heroes. 
Benton Sartore on 
Merin on 
Evan Henry on 
Alas, it’s just the last on a long list of things marvel should be retconning, a list which unfortunately has little or no overlap between what they’ve actually retconned.
Now that’s both funny and astute, Michael.