I’m a movie elitist: I like good movies!

Hello once again. Last time I wrote about some music that inspires the synapses in my brain to create. I’ll now be talking about some movies that also do the same. Ah, the higher senses; eyes and ears. We’re snobs with our own natural functions. I wish I had reconsidered a dabbling into “Edible Perfume Massaging” early on in life and gone into “Music Video Making” like the great Michael Bay.  Regrets aside, here’s some cinematic gems (at least to me) that pump my neurons and get me ready for battle. Be it imagined or real; those zombie hordes keep coming back for more, I must oblige with the sweet edges of my tire iron.

Enough of my babbling; (well, a bit more, since I must ‘babble’ to explain my choices, but then that would not be ‘babbling’, it would be required information, unlike this parenthesis, which falls clearly on the ‘babble’ side of things) here’s six movies I consider works of art, for various different reasons.

Seppuku – 1962  (Masaki Kobayashi) – Damn. Talk about a freaking awesome film. Never mind that it’s full of that familiar element in a lot of Japanese film making: Samurais. Unlike many of it’s samurai brethren, this one goes into dissecting and exposing the inherent flaws in the code of the samurai. (Like flaming swords, lightning speed and enormous amounts of ki weren’t enough)  Tatsuya Nakadai delivers on so many acting fronts, it’d be insulting to try and mention them all. The script comes from the same guy that delivered “Seven Samurai” with Akira Kurosawa, so fans of that film, may be inclined to check it out. Warning: It’s mainly samurais talking, with the occasional sword drawn. How and why they draw them, I will not say in hopes you’re inspired to check it out and give it a chance, just like I gave “Good Luck Chuck.” My loss equals your gain. Karma. I still hold true to the notion that in order for the environment to heal itself, Dane Cook must die a slow, painful, widely publicized death, with Carlos Mencia as “play-by-play” announcer and Gallagher as “color commentator”. A few weeks later, watch Mencia smash pumpkins during his act to a highly amused and, probably high, college audience. Karma.

The Thing – 1982  (John Carpenter) –  Reaganomics were in full bloom in 1982, and with it came a barrage of movies trying to show the “happy side” of science fiction. The main protagonist of the ritualized indoctrination was that neck stretching xenobastard “E.T.” with his long glowing finger. (Grodd! I hate that xenobastard.)  Everyone flooded theater after theater to see his wild, crazy antics while crying, laughing and applauding. And you wonder why Drew Barrymore turned to alcohol to ease the pain. So what did that mean? (Did I mentioned I hate that xenobastard?) It meant that those really good films you liked watching on TBS and VHS (Grodd, I’m old!) never got the chance they deserved with the E.T. tranced crowd. You know; Blade Runner, The Thing, Tron…. yes, Tron. What?! Anyway; Mr. Carpenter gets Mr. Russell and company into some crazy situations that I won’t spoil for you. (Like everyone who reads this site hasn’t seen it. Let me be in denial for a little while, please.) Not everything in life is a happy ending and everyone should learn that as quickly as possible. Take for example my profuse bleeding of the brain after watching “Good Luck Chuck” in it’s entirety. (I tried to get out, I couldn’t… I swear.)

Les enfants du paradis – 1945 (Carné/Prévert) – One of the best French films I’ve seen. Yes, even better than “Brotherhood of the Wolf.” Like “Gone with the Wind” but without the color. Let me rephrase that; Like “Gone with the Wind” but without the, the… oh, why bother?! It’s fun, it’s sad, it’s deep, it’s light and it has some of the best pantomime caught on film. Yes, Pantomime; no man in the box to worry about. Every character is an awesome thing and it’s all about the life of the artist, so it gets additional kudos in my book. It’s long, but time will fly by, thanks to it’s awesomeness. Screw the French New Wave crowd. Yes, the ones that quote “Talking Heads” and “Tarantino” in the same freakin’ sentence. Poetic Realism is where it’s at. Well, it’s a  small part of an entire spectrum of cool thingies, but you know what I mean. Frédérick is an awesome mofo.

Stalker – 1979 (Andrei Tarkovsky) – A Sci-Fi movie without any special effects. Now that’s awesome. A Tarkovsky is like a dream caught on film. Every single one of his films has something incredibly awesome, it’s hard to describe. If you haven’t checked out any of his films, I suggest you start with this one and “Solaris”, the original, please… don’t send me messages later on about how much George Clooney sucked. There’s a room that grants your heart’s desire in a forbidden part of the world; like you won’t try to reach it. Have the cash, hire a “Stalker” to take you or else meet your demise. Cool story, cool film. The images are mind blowing, mainly because they are real. Most of the crew and the stars died, or suffered, from cancer, in the ten years after they filmed it. Guess the “Abandoned Water Plant” they shot most of the film in had something to do with it. Now that’s commitment to one’s art. And the soundtrack is just incredible.

Vampyr – Der Traum des Allan Grey – 1932 (Carl Dreyer) – Everyone has seen the original “Nosferatu” by F.W. Murnau at one time or another, but few have seen this master class in creepiness by the danish powerhouse Carl Dreyer. Shot as a silent film, the director then incorporated sound to it and made it even more unnerving. Watch this movie late at night (after 12) and you’ll feel it’s effects afterwards. Just like the movie, it creeps up on you. Another cool thing about it is that the “star” of the film was also the “producer” and main “financier”. Talk about ego. Well, talk about a smart director that wanted the money to make an awesome film. It makes a great double feature with any classic horror film. Well, it makes a great double feature with any Carl Dreyer film, which people should see at least once. go with “Passion of Joan of Arc”, “Day of Wrath”, “Ordet” (My. Favorite. Film. Ever…. gosh I miss the late 90′s web postings. I just don’t get the “EPIC” or the “FAIL” nonsense.) Heck, see it with “Good Luck Chuck” and see which is more frightening.

Le Samourai – 1967 (Jean-Pierre Melville) – All those cool bad ass shooters with soft sides John Woo likes to work with come from this movie. Heck, most of John Woo’s work is a direct homage to all Melville’s work, he just added slow motion, lots of blood and an obscene amount of bullets. The coolest killer on the planet, by one of the coolest actors on the planet. I can’t say anything else because I’m mad at myself for saying I would only mention six movies when I fact there’s like a hundred I could mention or write about. Bleh. Now it seems I have something against Le Samourai, when it’s the fact that I just wrote about it last. Crap. Ah, now I remember why it’s last, because it ties with first one. Yes, I’m dumb and quite short sighted, brain-wise. Make this one the first part of a triple header; “The Killer” and “Ghost Dog” should be the other two; in that same order. Enjoy.

Well, that’s it. No room for Kurosawa, Powell/Pressburger, Ichikawa, Bergman, Olmi, Lang, Murnau, Dante, etc… maybe next time. Got to go, a Dane Cook special is about to begin and he’s so funny, it’s almost brain bleeding inducing. Bleh.