Featuring Talking Guinea Pigs

I was asked by Merin to review Featuring Talking Guinea Pigs because it’s a comic he likes. He also sent it to me with the assumption that I would shred it, as I am wont to do. While it’s not entirely true that I hate everything I come across, I know that I come off as exceedingly negative. This isn’t so much because I go out of my way to find things to complain about as I just find negative reviews easier to write. There’s less concern about not spoiling things or revealing all the good jokes. Also, frankly, nice reviews just aren’t very entertaining from a reader’s perspective, especially for webcomics. Once you see “it’s good”, there’s not much more reason to keep reading. The product in question is right there: it’s not like a movie where you’ll have to hop in your car and drive to the local cinema to enjoy the recommendation. Also, since they’re free and all, you don’t really need to worry about wasting your money.

That said, this is a good comic. Feel free to stop here and just click the link above to enjoy Guinea-filled goodness. You might as well, because I’m going to talk about it after this point and I’m not going to bother with spoiler tags or anything.

Okay, so, the comic itself starts out a little weak. Keep in mind, this criticism doesn’t actually matter to you, the viewer, because the comic has been running for a while and it’s really only “weak” in the sense that the payoff for the setup doesn’t come until the next comic. On the plus side: totally worth the wait. Creator Jeff Mumm really understands the power of a beat panel. For those who don’t keep up with terminology, that’s basically where a panel is left without dialogue (and most often with minimum action) to imply a pause in the story. This can serve a lot of purposes, from letting a line of dialogue sink in or, most often, just to show the characters pausing for a moment to think. For the comic I linked: if it just jumped from, “Oh right, Jeremy,” to, “Let’s get drunk”, it wouldn’t have the same impact.

Speaking of Jeremy, he’s introduced shortly afterward (along with another great use of a beat panel). Jeremy’s one of those characters that’s always got something terrible or ridiculous happening to him, and there’s just something so satisfying about watching the poor guy suffer. It’s not really a sadistic thing so much as just the fact that he’s fucking adorable. It’s like watching Bambie try to walk on the frozen lake, except it’s a Guinea Pig and he’s gonna die alone in space.

But Jeremy isn’t alone in space! Not initially, anyway. He ends up at a space station with Orton and Richard. Richard’s a pretty normal guy, but Orton, well… Orton’s a dick. Like, waaaaay beyond normal dickitude. Oh yeah, he killed Richard earlier in an epic battle, rife with violence and puns. Dude straight up doesn’t give a damn though. He doesn’t even clean up Richard’s body. Daaaaaamn, Orton. That’s cold. Orton’s one of those characters that’s so overflowing with ridiculousness that he’s bound to be the fan favorite. Anyway, when Jeremy ends up inevitably lost in space, it’s up to Orton to find him. …he doesn’t try very hard.

It’s at this point that the comic takes… a turn. See, Jeremy lands on a neat little alien planet inhabited by what appear to be humans with a bit of a steampunk flair. It’s here that we’re introduce to… Pyotr. Oh god, here we go. I hate Pyotr. He’s sooooOOOooOOOO WACKY! Isn’t he just the WACKIEST, you guys!? He’s all crazy and goofy and WACKY!! Seriously, Fuck Pyotr. I know I said the comic is good, and I stand by that, so I don’t want you to think that Pyotr ruins things entirely. But he is just so goddamned annoying. I think he’s supposed to be annoying, to a degree, but there’s a delicate balance for a writer to maintain when trying to show that a character is an annoying person without making his appearances an actual annoyance to the reader.

Pyotr is something of a philosopher and spends his time hanging out with a group of the same. At this point interacting with this group has basically become Jeremy’s plot, whereas Orton just crashlands and starts fucking shit up with a lightsaber. Orton’s pretty chill during this whole sequence, and it’s kind of fun in a way to see Jeremy struggle to keep up with Pyotr and his in(s)ane ramblings. The group of philosophers do start to grate after a while, though, because of a running plot about whether or not Pyotr has read Fourier. It’s a cute idea at first, but it just. Keeps. Going. Honestly, after the 4^th or so time someone mentioned it I just stopped caring. SHUT UP ABOUT FOURIER! IT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

Anyway, more goes on besides that, but I don’t want to ruin everything for you. Even though I’m complaining about that asshole Pyotr the series is still well worth reading. The art serves the storytelling very well, though the guinea pigs are overall drawn better than the humans. Especially Pyotr, who suffers from 2-D eyes (of which he is the only human sufferer) and what can be referred to medically as a “fucking weird neck”. Also, back on the space station, gravity seems to turn on and off at random. Still, for a thrice-weekly series it’s really good, with full-sized, full-color pages. With backgrounds, holy shit! Try not to pay too much attention to that fucker Pyotr and you’re in for a damn good time.

P.S.: Best Monitor Ever!