Hello again. In honor of the celebration of my slow and impending death, I want to talk about the cool gifts I’ve received through the years that were definitely memorable. Not to say the recent ones haven’t been swell, it’s just that the geek inside wants to remember those gifts from my youth that have lead me down into the abyss of “no money, no prospects, no future.” No fault of anyone, but my own. Just like raising Komodo Dragons in my garage was my fault, and running guns for the “Paintball Liberation Posse” was my fault, and lobbying for “Nuclear Waste Recycling After-school Programs” was also my fault, and getting financing for the movie “Gigli” was definitely my fault, and exalting the musical merits of the “Backstreet Boys” while high on PCP to my very own church congregation was most certainly my own darn fault. Oh, the teen pregnancies during the following months were hard on everyone. “Rabbit Season” said the local press… Sigh.
But I digress; here are a few:
Nintendo Entertainment System - It was 1986 and seeing all those TV commercials on a Chicago based cable station just made my head explode. I wanted one. I needed one! I HAD TO HAVE IT, EVEN IF I HAD TO SELL MY LITTLE SISTER TO GET IT! (Not the first time, or the last, I tried to barter a sibling.) Oooooh, the Zapper! Aaaaah, the R.O.B. unit! Weeeee, the fun of getting Super Mario Bros. a week later! Yes, it was that good. Too bad the robot games were crap and I wanted to kill the darn Duck Hunt dog after the first 20 minutes. When in school, nobody really knew what the hell I was talking about when I mentioned the “Nintendo.” Only a girl from my class had it and it was fun to trade games to play. A year later, everyone and their mother knew what a “Nintendo” was. Good for them, more games for me to play. I was still considered a geek, but hey, I really didn’t care; I was too busy playing with that sucker! Ah, to suppress puberty with video games was fairly obscure back then. How times change.
Comic Books - Same year as the “Nintendo.” My uncle apparently knew I was getting into comics, so he went ahead and bought one of those “comic book collections” that came in plastic bags and had 8 comics. You remember; the comics nobody wanted and distributors had to figure out ways to clear the excess stock. Ta Daa! Well, I have to say I enjoyed them. There was an Iron Man, a Super Powers, Turok, Batman and a few others. English is not my first language, so all that BAM! POW! WHAM! reading actually helped a lot. I suppose my uncle made it up to me when he gave one of those “Comic Book Collections” boxes you could order from the Sears Christmas Catalog. It was basically an entire month’s output of Marvel comics. With matching covers and everything. I don’t think I got another gift from my uncle after that. It was all right; all those comics made up for it in the long run. How is my uncle, by the way…?
Krusher (Mattel) - This toy brings back a lot of cool memories. The gimmick with Krusher (cool name) was that you could smash and “crush” him, then press a button on his belt and get the sucker right back into fighting shape. There’s nothing bad I can say about the toy; it was fun to “destroy” him. He was green, he was mean, he was the love child of Hulk and Godzilla. Not that Hulk and Godzilla ever did the nasty; but if they did, this would be the result. It’s also an important gift because that same night after my birthday, my house caught fire. I thought it was my fault for a whole month. At least I had Krusher to protect me if that big nasty fire decided to rear it’s ugly head again during the night. Before you ask, it was a faulty TV plug that caused it. And no, I did not pee on it while I was sleepwalking. That’s what I told myself and the Fire Marshall, so there! Urine and electricity do not mix. Remember that.
Birthday Cake - The red headed stepchild of any birthday celebration. Birthday cake is mostly an afterthought, an excuse to get to other stuff. The mandatory treat to get us one step closer to diabetes. But some years ago, I received a great birthday cake right at midnight. It was spectacular. Not in the way you might think. Sometimes the thought is what REALLY counts. I’ll remember that cake ’till the day I die; which should be soon if I keep eating birthday cake. Sugar is an addictive drug; BEWARE.
Baseball Cards - When I was REALLY young I was into baseball cards. I loved having big stacks of the things. Did I know any of the players? Nope. Did I follow Major League Baseball? Nah. Did I enjoy to bet them with my friends while playing for stacks? Yes! Imagine my surprise when I got a box full of the suckers. “Oh, yeah. No one can beat me now!” I thought. Then came Atari and I didn’t give a rat’s butt about baseball cards. How fickle our tastes, when we’re young. But seriously; a 1978 Reggie Jackson Yankees card can’t beat Space Invaders on it’s best day. You know it, and I know it. Combat, probably, but not Space Invaders. Maybe if he teamed up with pre-”corked bat” George Brett, they might have a chance. Might.
So I’m not mad at any of you for not getting me a present, but next year, I’m expecting a little somethin’ somethin’ Bling Bling!
Until next time.
Merin on 
Captain Z on 
Benton Sartore on 
