Scwonkey Dog is a transgender furry comic written by Johnathan Switzer, contributor to this very site with his column, Memoirs of a Jaded Otaku. I was asked to review his comic, because apparently being a sarcastic dick to people who have never heard of me just isn’t interesting enough. Oh, and the transgender furry thing is kinda supposed to be a surprise, and the lead-up to the reveal is the entire purpose of the first half of the comic thus far. But screw it, I just need to get it out of the way or I won’t be able to talk about anything else: this is a comic about a furry male alien (in a hideous costume) who chooses to disguise himself as a female human for entirely ridiculous reasons. He ends up enjoying being a woman, so even after the reveal he still stays as one most of the time.
Okay, now that I’ve ruined the biggest mystery of the comic for you, let’s talk about the actual comic. If you’re not too distracted by the transgender furryism, then the actual story isn’t too bad, except for, funnily enough, anything relating to the titular character. Most of the characters are, frankly, kind of boring, but that owes as much to the fact that the comic is pretty short than to anything else. Our main character is Jennifer Johnson, a semi-normal college student suffering from insomnia and amnesia. She’s best friends with lady man-shoulders, whose actual name I’ve entirely managed to forget even though I’ve just read the comic. Anyway, man-shoulders is kind of boring, but she’s not really a bad character. Just… forgettable. Anyway, she and JJ are approached by a young man with freakishly oversized ears who makes an offhand gag about how they look like they’re dating. Jen, being the reasonable person she is, takes elf-dude’s light-hearted ribbing entirely too seriously and immediately starts making fun of his physical deformity. Just as an fyi: this comic doesn’t take place in a world where ears that extend above your own head are common. Jen just likes to pick on the deformed, I guess. I’d imagine if he was missing one leg she’d call him “stumpy”.
In general, JJ’s kind of a horrible woman. Even after elf-dude apologizes for his comment and offers them an invitation to his expensive drag queen party (or whatever it’s supposed to be. All I know is he’s apparently providing free drinks, so he can’t be that bad) she just absolutely refuses to forgive him for his one colorful remark. What a bitch. But then again, she’s actually intergalactic… something or other (police? Bounty hunter? Super Hero!?) Scwonkey Eliot Dog! And yes, that’s actually his name, and no, it doesn’t sound any less ridiculous no matter how dramatically you announce it. Anyway, Scwonk-o-matic is a dick too, so I guess Jen’s bitchiness is just an extension of S to the D’s assholery. Either way, what’s with webcomics and having horribly bitchy female leads? I guess they’re easier to write for.
Well, whatever. The important part is that bad news is going down in Anytown, USA! Mysterious, cloaked figures abound and… oh, wait. A single mysterious figure shows up and immediately reveals itself to be an extremely gay looking robot. The robots are kind of cute in their own way, with their tendency to speak incorrectly, but there’s not much to get attached to. Anyway, gay-bot totally gets his shit ruined when Professor Polo Shirt goes straight up super saiyan on his ass, giving us one of our greater and rarely used sound-effects: KA-SHAM! Seriously, I could shout that all day. Some dude tries to cut in front of me in line at the bank and I just go KA-SHAM! and punch his ass into the goddamn sun! But wait, it gets better! Out of nowhere, Poochie shows up and double-fucks-up Gay-bots shit with some Liefeld-grade weaponry. EFF YEAH!
I should take a moment here to talk a bit about how I actually do these reviews. While reading through the comics I create a new folder in my bookmarks list, and each time I see a page that sticks out in my mind as particularly interesting or otherwise worth linking to I create a link to it. The link is labeled with a number in the order I marked them in (just in case I lose track of that somehow) along with a brief note about what happened on that particular page to help me sort through them when I look through them later. Normally these notes are simple things, such as “not very sexy” or “tiny, tiny sword”. However, I noticed that not only did I make a bookmark on nearly every page Poochie shows up in, but I also did them all in all caps. So we end up with things like “POOCHIE’S KICKIN’ ASS!” for when he teleports behind a gay-bot and totally ruins that dude’s Christmas by giving him the gift of a new hole in the neck, courtesy of his giant laser. It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Or even better: “POOCHIE’S HACKIN’ THE MAINFRAME!” Seriously, he’s only in one panel in that whole page, but if you asked me what the rest of the page was I couldn’t tell you a damn thing. All I know is that Poochie was typing… TO THE EXTREME!! Really, I just want to see what happens when Poochie meets Agent Corkscrew (and in case you’re wondering, that link’s labeled in my bookmarks as “AGENT CORKSCREW LAYS DOWN THE LAW.”)
With that out of the way, let’s talk about the art. It’s not very good. As the comic progresses John manages to make his art cleaner, but not necessarily better. A good example is one of the more recent comic (recent being a relative term, as it’s actually from June of 2008). Anyway, this takes place after the big reveal that Jen’s been a man-dog in a woman-non-dog’s body this whole time. Legolas here is getting a little flirty with her out of habit, that or a really awkward romantic subplot is being set up. I want to take your attention to the third panel, where he’s actually got his arm around Jen/Scwonk (Scwonkifer? Jenniscwonk?). Anyway, his arm curves around her shoulder like one of those cheap bendy toys you somehow manage to always get around Easter time. Also, look at how he’s holding that glass: if you can reliably hold anything like that for an extended period of time, you’re probably Spider-Man. The lines are all clean and Photoshop is used competently enough, but the basic drawing just isn’t very good.
Despite running more or less for 3 years, the art hasn’t improved significantly at all. Not in the parts that need it, anyway. A friend’s worried expression ends up just making her look like she’s very sarcastic about her concern for her friend. This page is another example of misplaced priorities. All the characters are fully rendered, with textures added to their clothes and a blurring effect added to the background to create a sense of perspective. The characters, however, still look stiff and lifeless, and their new douche-y friend’s hair looks like a brill-o pad. Top it off with an appearance by Count Pointy Ears from Tiny Hands-ylvania and you’ve got a real problem: shallow artwork that tries to make up for its shortcomings with fancy Photoshop tricks.
At the end of the day I can’t really recommend Scwonkey Dog. The plotline is either generic and uninteresting or just plain squicky. The main character(s) are annoying, mean people, and I wouldn’t care in the slightest if s/he got killed before pulling off anymore of his smartass quips. Every time I see him I just think, “God, shut up, Scwonkey. Where’s Poochie? I bet he’s totally doing something to the EXTREME right now.” Scwonkey’s just outright not a good character. He’s not interesting to watch, his backstory is boring, his costume is as hideous and ridiculous as his name, and he’s so goddamn good at killing stuff that it just feels like a waste of time to even show him doing it. Jen was a much more interesting character before we found out she was actually this furry catastrophe. Also, what’s the deal with Professor Polo Shirt? I wanna see him KA-SHAM! some dudes in the face with Poochie. He’s barely even a character! All I know is that he’s not Scwonk, and that’s reason enough to want to see more of him.
And remember kids, Poohie always says: TOBBACO IS WACKO… TO THE EXTREEEEEEEME!!!!
Shane “Inkmonkey” Woodis started making webcomics in 2003, and didn’t stop until he graduated from the Joe Kubert School in 2008. Since then he’s worked as a freelance artist, and as a moderator for the DrunkDuck website. He has also contributed to two of their print collections. His best known work is Elijah and Azuu, an action/comedy series that ran on DrunkDuck for 5 years and over 1300 pages. 
Merin on 
And here I will defend the comic, because I actually enjoy it.
I think artistic style is really a matter of personal taste – I, for one, cannot stand the art of Frank Quitely (what a horrendous pseudonym, for that matter) but he’s got a big following. Personally I think Scwonkey LOOKS BETTER than a majority of web comics I see – in some ways, I think back to Order of the Stick. Art isn’t meant to always be realistic, but what Jonathan draws gives me the story and as such it works very well for me.
His sequential storytelling exceeds my own (and while that might not be saying much to many people, I actually think I have a good sense of it) and that of many other web comics I regularly read.
The actually story and characters may be the weakest part of the whole comic to me, but that isn’t me saying they are bad. There just isn’t enough of the story yet for me to have become attached to anyone yet.
To make a final comment about taste, Shane, you commented positively on Darths & Droids – a comic that is screen caps (how is that artistic, really?), often cluttered beyond understanding, and a series of unending jokes about the players but the players portrayed through screen caps of a movie. An original concept, not really, and a tiresome after the first few comics. The subject matter and humor works of you on some level, but I’ve read a lot of it (Benton’s a big fan of it) and most of the time I find it really poor quality. In the end my point is that what one person finds well done, entertaining, or worthwhile another may find of shoddy quality, pointless construction and rather uninteresting.
All that said –
“Poochie to the EXTREME” and “KA-SHAM!” still have me smiling.
If you don’t like the writing and such of Darths and Droids I can perfectly understand, but there’s certainly a level of “art” required to take the simple screenshots from the Star Wars films and rearrange them in such a way to tell a completely different narrative. It’s an odd way to put together a comic, and even though the screenshot method is often the vice of the lazy, it certainly takes skill and artistry to do it WELL. I certainly wouldn’t say that a photographer isn’t an artist becuase he simply photographs existing things, instead of drawing them himself.
That said, my big problem with the art of Scwonkey Dog is that it doesn’t match the theme. It’s an epic, dramatic story (or at least, it’s supposed to be one), but the art is simple and, in some ways, childish. It’s intended as an action series, but the action is often two-dimensional and stiff. This largely stems from the fact that the backend part of the artwork is being constantly improved: the coloring, photoshop work, etc. But the actual basics of drawing are all but ignored. Anatomy is bizarre and flat, and is rarely pushed out of the artist’s comfort zone.
I think it’s true that SD does look better than a lot of webcomics, but being better than other things doesn’t necessarily make something “good”. Your Orde of the Stick comparison is pretty bizarre, in my opinion, because that’s a comic that is deliberately simplified for aesthetic purposes. It’s clear that the problems with SD’s art stems simply from a lack of experience on the part of John. He’s trying to make an action manga comic, not a simple cartoony gag series. I can definitely say that it has improved from beginning to end, but not enough of the basic drawing has changed for how long it’s been going.
The Order of the Stick comparison (which I used to avoid comparing to my own Alistair & Arthur, for that matter) can be also shifted to Darths & Droids -
if the comic is well written and funny, very simplistic art can sometimes be enough.
I do understand the distinction you draw between Jonathan’s art and Order of the Stick, and it is a valid one.
All I was saying is that sometimes excellent quality art is not the measure of a good web comic (any 8-bit comic, any comic using screen caps, and any stick-figure comic are all far from excellent quality art – though, as you mention with D&D and SD, the layout and execution can still be very well done.)