Hello once again. Since I started sharing my thoughts on certain subjects with all of you (or “therapy” as my “doctor” calls it) I’ve come to a startling realization: I’ve become a plastic whore and my drug of choice happens to be made by Mattel. (No, it has nothing to do with lead paint for now, besides; have you seen how color pops when it’s laced with lead? Exactly! Who wouldn’t want to put it in their mouths? Erhm…back to topic)
Mattel; the bastards that made young boys fans of that homo-erotic champion of goodness, Big Jim, (Those of you that thought of He-Man: SHAME ON YOU! He’s the manliest of manly) got the license to produce toys based on DC Comics properties Superman and Batman (and their respective rogues gallery). Their first attempt was the highly popular, at the time, Batman line with sculpting done by the talented 4 Horsemen, who were also responsible for the sculpts of the “botched” 200X He-Man re-launch. But, like the line before it, Mattel managed to sink it in less that two years with it’s over-abundance of Bat-variants (Waffle-Maker Batman, anyone?) and villains packed to 1 a case. (“What? Them kids want other characters besides Batman? Hogwash! Oh, all right. Give them a Joker, but make sure most can’t find it! That’ll teach ‘em! Ha ha ha!) Then they moved to one of my favorite toy lines this decade; DC Superheroes, which was a formal showcase for Batman and Superman. Like the lines before it, Mattel went back to it’s bad habits during the second year of production, with heavy packing of certain figures and a lack in others, (Cyborg Superman was a myth for a good 3 months before it actually showed in stores.) so collecting that line was as much a joy as it was a pain in the rear. That same year, they announced they had secured the “Master License” for the entire DC properties and were re-launching the DC Superheroes line as DC Universe Classics. (A little homage to the competition never hurt anyone)
What did that mean? It meant, at least to me, that my recreational dabbling into figure collecting was going to become a full blown addiction. Two years later, it pretty much is. While not a completist, I pretty much have most of the figures released for every wave. Add to it, the real hook of this plastic crack; the “Collect & Connect” pieces, which has forced me to get figures I normally wouldn’t be interested in. But, as a fan of the sculpting work of the 4 Horsemen and a fondness and love of DC characters in general, I would like to channel my addiction urges into positive remarks of certain figures in the line, which there are a lot of in less that two years and it’s not likely to stop for anytime soon. (Mattel has the license until 2012. Mayans beware!)
A little note: People should remember that “crappy and absurd” comic character is not necessarily equal to “crappy and absurd” action figure. (Remember Waffle-Maker Batman.) Here we go:
Killer Moth (DC Universe Classics wave 6) – Ah, Killer Moth. One of the stupidest Batman villains to ever lace on those law-fighting boots. He was such a joke in the comics that the only way they thought of making him a “bad-ass” was to turn him into an evil moth-man hybrid. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Had the masses savored this awesome action figure decades before, Killer Moth would be right up there with the Joker in terms of popularity. Just imagine Heath Ledger wearing the phlegm-like green, carrot orange and eggplant purple while high as a kite on moth balls. Why so serious, indeed. Now that Killer Moth can be considered an “army builder” (toy crack term) buy as many of those suckers as you can. If you didn’t know; chicks LOVE Killer Moth.
Mantis (DC Universe Classics wave 9) – Jack Kirby was way ahead of his time. The “4th World” was unlike anything done before, or after. Only a mind as awesome as his could create a character like Mantis. The original, that is. Since Kirby also re-designed a few of his creations for the Super Powers toy line; Mantis included. When I saw the original design, I went ga-ga. Leave it to the powers that be that we get both versions of the character in the toy line. So fans of the original (Me!) get the the evil bug bastard and fans of the Super Powers version (also Me!) get the robotic insect they always wanted. If you didn’t know; guys LOVE Mantis.
Vigilante (DC Universe Classics wave 
– Adrian Chase: part judge, part hero, part Punisher rip-off. Yes, I shouldn’t be surprised this guy appeared in toy form. They had done Killer Moth before; who was I to doubt? The man that fought a few members of the comic book porn star name hall of fame (Electrocutioner? Cannon and Sabre? YES!) gets an action figure worthy of his legacy. He’s packed with his most popular weapons, so bring a few extra Killer Moths for “target practice.” This is an action figure I would’ve gladly killed myself for a few years from now had it not been made. Well, this AND a Chris Benoit action fi… What?! Too soon? Crap.
Etrigan (DC Universe Classics wave 1) – “Gone! Gone! — the form of man – Rise, the Demon Etrigan!!” Phuk, yeah! To have this guy released in the first wave of toys was something of a miracle. I could’ve expected it three years into the line, but I’m glad I was surprised by his inclusion. He gave all that Kirby goodness we all strive for in our action figures (him and Orion; you know, the Dog of War?) and a little bit more. He’s a big bad momma jamma (how can a “rhyming” demon not be cool?) that will look awesome in your desk, in your office, in your living room, in your bathroom; ANYWHERE! Stare into those monstrous eyes and be forever hooked into collecting these awesome characters. Darn it! Now I know how I was hooked. Mattel; you bastards!! How dare you do cool, cult figures in the first wave of a toy line? Oh, you want all the geek money possible? Works for me.
There you have it. The reasons I’m a plastic addict. With no intervention in sight, it falls to me to hook as many of you as I can.
“Smack is whack! Say yes to plastic crack!” I’m so ashamed…
Benton Sartore on 
Merin on 
Evan Henry on 
