Where the &*%$ is Shane?

The Top 10 Reasons Shane Hasn’t Updated Digital Inks in, like, Forever

• 10. “Tragic” sex overdose
• 9. A bizarre mixture of Red Bull, Goldschlager, and motor oil has somehow transported him back in time, where he rights the wrongs of history as Shane Woodis: Time Puncher! (Mondays on ABC Family).
• 8. Replaced by his evil, somehow more lazy twin. The difference has largely gone unnoticed by Shane’s friends and loved ones, largely because the evil twin (Enahs) shares Shane’s inability to grow a goatee.
• 7. Real life version of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”.
• 6. Found a magic lamp and wished for all his future articles to be written so he wouldn’t have to worry about it, but due to not being specific enough is still busy transcribing them in order to upload them to the internet.
• 5. Has only been reading good comics lately, and since those aren’t any fun to review he just hasn’t bothered.
• 4. BEES!
• 3. Has become the ward of an eccentric millionaire, and is busy with martial arts training and getting used to wearing a cap.
• 2. Hospitalized due to a botched assassination attempt by Chris Crosby (who apparently reads this column occasionally. Hi Chris!)
• 1. The onset of bills caused by moving into a new apartment have forced him to get a regular 9 – 5 job on top of his usual art jobs, seriously impeding his ability to write long-winded reviews of 1000+ page awful comics for free.