Sexy Costumes

While writing my last article I had trouble finding my picture for the Pizza Skimmin’ Jetboat, seeing as it was a stupid toy that no one liked. I couldn’t remember the name of it at first, so I just looked up things like “turtle head boat” and “stupid ninja turtle boat”. Mostly this brought up absolutely nothing, and I eventually just went to one of those sites that has a list of all the Ninja Turtles toys ever produced in chronological order (because that’s the kind of thing the internet was invented to document). However, before I actually found what I was looking for I ran across this:

Yes, that’s a sexy version of a 5 foot mutant turtle. Well, I don’t think it’s supposed to so much look like the person wearing it is themselves a turtle so much as, uh… I guess some kind of turtle-themed hooker. I don’t want to say that it’s poorly made or anything, just oddly conceived. I really don’t think that you need sexy versions of every conceivable costume. There are some I can understand.

Okay, sexy Robin. I can get behind that. There were female Robins in the comics, so whatever. Kind of a weird, Freudian thing though, now that I think about it. In particular if it’s the boyfriend’s idea for his old lady to dress like a sexualized version of a preteen boy. But at the very least it’s the kind of costume where it’s mostly harmless on its own, and it’s only through your own sick mind that it seems gross and/or weird.

Not like this costume. Can you tell what that is? It’s a bit more esoteric than the other ones so far, but that’s supposed to be a sexy version of a Care Bear. Just let that seep into your mind for a bit. Three words that don’t belong together in this or any universe. Sexy. Care. Bear. Granted you can see that the costume designer really struggled with that concept; in essence it’s just a girl in a puffy jacket with a heart on her tits and some fake bear ears, which I think is probably the absolute minimum of what you could do to replicated a Care Bear in sexy costume format. Was this concept in high demand? Were there slutty girls from the late 80’s/early 90’s who loved the Care bears and desperately needed to convey their love via costume?

See, this at least makes some degree of sense to me. That’s basically what Strawberry Shortcake actually wears, except with some strategic points of sluttiness added. Besides, this is hardly the first time SBSC has been grossly oversexualized…

Though, uh… I think that time it was meant as a joke…

Are you fucking kidding me? If there’s one thing in this world that doesn’t need to be sexualized, it’s fucking goddamn Freddie Kreuger. What the hell were they thinking? Who was this made for? What slutty girl wants people to think of what is essentially a murderous charred corpse when she’s out partying? This is just pissing me off… just the very nature of it. I’m dumbfounded at this whole thing. Are there sexy versions of the other movie villains? Is there a Jason costume that’s just a string bikini and a hockey mask? Or a Michael Meyers with a big cleavage window? What could possibly be a worst subject to sluttify in costume format?

Goddammit, I just had to ask… Cookie Monster? That barely resembles cookie monster. If anything that looks like some slutty girl skinned cookie monster and is wearing his corpse. This is just ridicu